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Down With the Sickness

Howdy, y'all - I know it's been a while. Honestly things have been so in flux in my life lately, I couldn't focus on any one thing long enough to blog about it. Maybe eventually I'll blog an update on all the changes happening. I'll just say this: things are good. Not easy - in fact, it's been like climbing a mountain in a meteor shower - but exhilarating. I think I'm finally able to manage constant, unresolved challenges without breaking down and getting depressed; this is a huge milestone for me. It helps that I have such a great group of friends, especially my girlfriend Mandy, my buddy/editor/housemate Joe, friend Emma, and coworker Jason.

One thing that stood out for me was a recent bout of illness - probably just a very bad cold, but it was about the worst I've been sick in several years; Mandy had it too, and Emma was just poleaxed by it...the infection starts in the lower sinuses, abates for a while, and then latches onto the upper airway and bites down hard. I'm always fascinated by the unique features of each strain, whether they are more prone to cause headaches or congestion, how long they last, and what secondary infections arise. This season's cold was marked by two features: first, the specificity of the upper airway infection to the epiglottis; and secondly the double-dip nature of the symptoms, separated by a brief interval of wellness.

I believe I'm past the first stage of the infection, and I hope to God I don't get the second one - I'm usually pretty lucky with seasonal infections (knock on wood) since I've got the immune system of a horse. However my tonsils are still pretty hard and painful, and I'm still experiencing incomplete swallowing in the morning. Not completely out of the woods yet. I've been medicating with strong, hot coffee and lemon water; exercise is a must (unless it's raining or otherwise foul outside) - I'm a firm believer in the power of a Brisk Walk.

What struck me the most was, hopefully without sinking into cliche, how little any of us could do about the infection. One common virus was enough to nearly derail life for two weeks. I was fortunate I didn't end up like my friend Emma, who was basically bedridden with a high fever and - thanks to the miracle of modern American health care - couldn't afford to go to the ER. Intensive Care gave her some antibiotics and tossed her back onto the street, without even screening to determine what kind of pathogen was attacking her. Handing someone antibiotics is basically the negligent "fuck off" of modern medicine: they're completely useless against viruses, which account for 90% of cold-like symptoms in adults, and contribute to the rise of superbugs.

This led me to wonder whether there was even a quick, inexpensive test to determine whether symptoms were caused by virus or bacteria. Strep throat can be diagnosed by white spots on the tonsils, but in most cases a culture is needed. Then there's the problem of figuring out what type of virus or bacteria is causing the issue, in order to determine treatment. In other words, taking one's broke lower-class ass to any kind of treatment facility is expensive and time-consuming, and by the time they even figure out what sort of bug you have, you're either over your illness, or very, very ill.

Which brings me to my main point: in the face of disease, we are desperately helpless. Any imbalance in nutrition, thermoregulation, or stress levels can push us over the edge into protracted illness. Consider how, in the 1800's, contracting a chill from walking in bad weather could amount to a death sentence; in our modern times stress is a much bigger factor. I know from my own experience that after a period of intense mental stress, falling ill is inevitable. We can say what we want about balanced nutrition, using sterilizing agents, avoiding contact with ill people, and any host of other recommendations (I always loved the one about "staying home from work for a week after symptoms abate" - you're a laff riot, Mr. Surgeon General!) but the fact is the little demons find a way to get in no matter what we do. The ability of microbes to seemingly teleport across barriers is well-known. We can scrub to 99.999% sterility, living in plastic bubbles with masks and gloves and a horror of strangers, but one tiny little virus in the right place and time will ruin all of our plans.

I'm lucky I escaped with a couple of sleepless nights and a sore throat. And honestly, parts of the illness weren't unpleasant: my mind, usually running at a thousand miles an hour, quieted considerably; I lived more in the moment. The soft hum of my low-grade fever was soothing, and I was able to concentrate better on tasks. I think my performance at work improved drastically simply because I was sick. Instead of worrying about the future, I was focused on the moment - even if that moment involved a gallon of mucus. And on the whole, I think sickness is not always such a terrible thing, if we survive it - it forces us to realize our limitations, to see that we are not completely in charge of our own destiny, and understand that nothing can be gained by rushing around frantic...the illness will last as long as it's going to last, and not a day less. Nothing we can do will change that. All we can do is rest up, stay hydrated, exercise, and ensure that we bounce back stronger than before.

So on the whole, I'm glad for a little sickness now and again...so long as it doesn't lead to permanent scarring. I just hope and pray that everyone affected by this year's plague is so lucky, and came through their illness stronger than before.

Rick Out.

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